It’s Okay To Be A Little Bit Rubbish

I will probably be outlawed for saying the “rubbish” word….it’s banned at the beginning of the year where motivations are rife. Well sod that I have just had an experience that I feel compelled to share.  So share I will.

I have just completed my first yoga class in many months.  I returned to my mat.  Now let me tell you it wasn’t pretty, in fact I was a little bit rubbish (there I said it again).  Everything was tight, in fact at one point I thought someone had sewn my hip to my bum, they weren’t moving for anyone, not even Sri T. Krishnamacharya would have been able to coax my hips out of sudden retirement.  Looking (well when I say looking I actually mean staring with such intent I forgot where I was) at myself in the mirror I was so transfixed by the growth in the tops of my arms, joints of ham sprung to mind, I nearly went down the rabbit hole of self loathing.  The truth is my body has changed, not in a drastic way but in such as way that there is a definite extra layer of friendly flesh keeping the rest warm, my body didn’t twist into moves with the ease that it did a few months ago, I wobbled (a lot) and that wasn’t just the ham arms, my balance was not that of a woman doing dry January.

I was a little bit rubbish.

Now let me expand on my rubbish chat.  As self-deprecating as I am the intention that I put behind this bold non motivational statement is that it is okay to be a little bit rubbish. It’s okay to go backwards, sometimes in life we need to take a few steps back to go forward.  The thing is, yes I may have developed joint of ham arms and I may not be as skilled in the practice of yoga as I was 6 months ago but do you know what?  I loved being back on the mat. I was amazed and how bloody brilliant are bodies are and how responsive they can be.  I loved the feeling at once again stretching my body and it slowly coming alive.

I have found myself getting quite grumpy with the media telling us all the things we should be doing over the next 31 days. Instagram is filled with women, who quite frankly were cast when the marketing department was having a nap, because they couldn’t possibly need Body Boss, Running for Weight Loss, Yoga For A Unobtainable Body blah blah blah. Isn’t it about embracing where you are now?  Isn’t it about maybe discovering what is going to make you happy in the long run (pardon the pun) or like me, standing in front of a mirror and with humour accepting where I am now, ham arms and all, and just feeling bloody grateful that I have found simple happiness in moving my body?

So my message to myself and anyone else out there who is feeling a little bit rubbish. Embrace it. Laugh at it and think to yourself well I might be a little bit rubbish but I am going to enjoy it and I am going to take that joy and work it, and own it (I can’t quite believe I just said own it, let’s move on) and take that feeling into February when all the motivational high-five, back slapping, thumbs up brigade have a little holiday.

Peace.

LifeNadra Shah